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June 27, 2005
Pride! Or, Drunken Polyamorous Pansexuals Take Anti-Authoritarian Autonosexual Situationist For A Ride
Sunday morning the air was buzzing with anticipation, believe it!
I made my way to boys town (looking slightly boyish, maybe, although I'm told I can never be very butch with my skinny legs, drat!) to meet a certain Bear on Belmont. The Bear was there, hourah! And hungry, as bears can be. We snarfed breakfast quickly, slathered on the sunscreen and filled our water bottles and made for the parade! My Bear was marching with the ACLU, the ones who protect, among other things, your right to screw! Meanwhile I was looking around for the anarchist contingent. And lo, Fate conspired to bring me 2 drunken young men! One in a purple child sized bicycle helmet decorated with splendid giant bunny ears and plastic bunny nose, with whiskers. I'd found my people. So I sidled over and inquired if this were the anarchist contingent. They neither confirmed nor denied it, but introduced themselves as Rob Noxious and his pal, the somewhat hirsute (in a rather pleasing way!) Bart. They further let me know that they were riding a 7-person bicycle, which I was welcome to join them on, even to perch on the very auspicious front seat if so inclined! Well what could I say? I wanted to pedal!!!
So it was that one rather pale, and almost completely sober Pippy was seen, pigtails aloft, pedaling down Halsted Street between two young men wearing pink cat collars with matching leashes. Rob did most of the steering, deftly weaving across the road to work the crowds on either side. The sober and somewhat serious (which, in retrospect I tend to attribute to his wearing long black pants when it was roughly 119ยบ in the shade) Dave pedaled on my left, hands on the handlebars, eyes on the road. Meanwhile Bart created something of a sensation (!) nearly naked in snug black briefs, button-down shirt buttoned all the way down, legs frequently flailing, due to his unfortunate and regrettable decision to pedal barefoot. Bart was something of the drunken navigator, yelling "left, go left! Hard left! Hard right! Right! Right! Right rightrightright!!! Zig-zag!" From a perch on the rear of the craft, a makeshift carrier of sorts woven from inner tubes, the beautiful Mistress Birch (I hope I got your name right! Forgive me, it was noisy!) held the reins, the two pink cat leashes and my own hastily made up leash of plastic pride beads, because I couldn't stand to be left out! Many in the crowd were very receptive and curious about the vehicle! Because it was, and is, truly, a marvel of engineering, a thing of beauty! I saw several drunken attempts at counting riders. Six! There were six!! Dave spread the love around while Bart's crotch was soaked several times by water pistols, oh yes. I could get no love, meanwhile from the boys with the water guns, having no such impressive piece of my own (although, until it popped, I did hold aloft a rather suggestive, elongated pink balloon) Sigh.
Well, you get the idea. A good time was had by all.
Rob pointed out the Anarchist Contingent when the parade was over, and it was us and some wilting drag queens milling about the park by the giant statue of Goethe.
Some experimental kissing went on, I'm not saying who was kissing whom, but let's say it was rather untamed! Somehow the word "sex" was written on my stomach and "fun" on my left arm in purple sharpie.
Dave and I found out that we were both familiar with Montreal, as I walked him around the park on his leash.
A statuesque she-male took a turn on the bike with Rob.
I headed home, confronting the usual sign carrying Christians, who numbered about 5, and required police protection (who were in turn being confronted by kissing lesbians wearing electrical tape) with my little Sex and Fun billboards (all the Christians looked as though they could stand to be reminded, they were a somewhat pale and unsexy lot. It all comes of sitting in church too much). One, who, I think suspected I was secretly straight, and was hoping he could get some, and maybe win a soul at the same time (if such a thing is possible? Who knows? Maybe he figured there was time to get married first?) introduced himself as Jim and reminded me I needed to repent. I started to tell him I had spoken to Jesus just the other day, and plus all He told me was to love my neighbor as myself and so I figured I was all good. But a police woman made me move along. Police. Sigh.
In any event, there is so much more I could tell! Oh yes. I stop now.
(And bikey friends, If you all are out there, yes, I want to ride again!!!! Give a holler, ok??)
Posted by at June 27, 2005 09:26 AM
Comments
Seems like a good time was had by all! I need to be in the bigger city where people of all sorts mingle!
Posted by: Elizabeth at June 27, 2005 10:59 AM
Pictures! Pictures! We want pictures!
Posted by: rob helpychalk at June 27, 2005 11:05 AM
I can attest to the fact that it's all true. Nice bit of writing. You're welcome to take me for a walk again any time you wish.
Posted by: Dave at June 27, 2005 07:47 PM